Beauty For All
In ancient Egypt men also wore makeup. These beautiful Egyptian men of long ago liberally applied a makeup called kohl (a paste made from several ore minerals) around their eyes with a special tool that was usually created from ivory, wood, and bone. Besides making the men better looking, (which a lot of men today could use help with) it was believed that the makeup gave them the protection of the Gods Horus and Ra and also had special healing powers to top it off. You can’t beat that! Plus, both men and women of ancient Egypt wore a copious amount of perfume made from cinnamon, green olive oil, and myrhh, a type of gum resin extracted from a (t)horny tree.
Cinnamon is a natural aphrodisiac. Even stringent medicine men and women of today accept that as a fact. Cinnamon promotes blood flow, especially in the abdominal area. Once cinnamon starts to work its magic, it improves the blood supply to the male and female genitals. BOOM BANG BOOM, which could facilitate sexual arousal.
Eat cinnamon or smell it and take it in. That’s what clever ancient Egyptians did to great carnal success.
It is safe to say, love was in the air every time you turned around in ancient Egypt.
“Love is in the air every where I look around.” John Paul Young. Who by the way got transported back to ancient Egypt by a time machine in the late 80’s, only to come back to modern times in 2015 to appear on Dancing with the Stars.
Not satisfied with only being known for “Love is in the air every where I look around.” John Paul Young released a batch of new songs after transporting himself back from ancient Egypt. John Paul’s next best song was called Orgy on the Nile, unfortunately, it sold very few copies upon its release in 2015. I have to admit that I spin my copy around almost daily. John Paul Young’s voice singing getting vial on the Nile always seems to awaken me.
By the way, Horus is one of the most treasured ancient Egyptian deities. You will see the symbol of the Falcon headed God on airplanes, hotels, restaraunts, tobacco shops, and flying carpets throughout Egypt and beyond. I once knew a fella who had a humongous tattoo of Horus on his back. He had never heard of Horus or even Egypt. I saw him on Facebook a few years back with a red Make America Great Again hat. He had a job with the animal control department in a middle sized Midwest city. I expect he was divorced and living the dream showing divorcees his American Falcon.
The God Ra was also portrayed as a Falcon and shared similarities with the God of the sky Horus. He was believed to rule in all parts of the created world, including not only the earth, but the sky and the underworld.
Of course, anybody who controls the underworld is someone you don’t want to run afoul of. Like today, I am sure there were boneheads in ancient Egypt who thought makeup were for sissies and said they weren’t going to wear it, but as soon as Ra came calling with their underworld destination papers, even the biggest macho man was plastering an abundant amount of makeup on.
Legend says fellatio comes from ancient Egypt and Cleopatra used a vibrator powered by bees. More for another day.
The other night over drinks a friend of mine Eugene Epstein told me that Rush Limbaugh had gotten access to the time machine before succumbing to cancer and he went back to ancient Egypt to start a new life of one hundred years or so. I knew we would still be feeling the effects today, if there was even the slightest chance Limbaugh had access to the time machine. I am happy to report we don’t have to worry about some evil person getting access to the time machine, and we can thank Stephen Hawking, who created the time machine and entrusted me with the control over who and who couldn’t use it.
I have more good news. Hawking is completely cured physically and living in the future in the year 2125. He is now trying to fix the problems resulting from climate change in a world of water.
I strongly assured my friend Eugene that Rush Limbaugh did not have access to the time machine, and that he was sent straight to the underworld. It makes me mad how people can fall for the craziest bullshit…
Eugene seemed to be glad to hear the real news about Limbaugh and said he would tell the ones who had told him about Limbaugh’s afterlife the truth. He would inform them that they were wrong and he would set them straight as to where to try to contact Limbaugh at and also let them know that that Limbaugh had already grown a tail.
Burn burn burn Rush, I guess Hell is like climate change on steroids. Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Eugene is a good friend of mine who does most of the dirty work for me, which is pretty good for 126 pound guy that sometimes gets pushed around from the wind and considers ingesting psychedelic mushrooms as a good solid meal.
Tomorrow Eugene will be 32 and I am trying to find the perfect gift for him. I am thinking that maybe some of the ancient Egyptian makeup and cinnamon perfume that John Paul Young brought back to me will be the winning gift. Eugene has sort of been desperate of late to find a life partner.
I am quite sure Eugene will be game for the ancient Egyptian makeup and perfume, with or without ingesting psychedelic mushrooms.
Once when Eugene was overloaded, he asked me if I wanted to peal his face and put it up on my wall as a portrait. He’s is always saying stuff like that. If you haven’t noticed yet, Eugene is as good of a friend as you can find.
Cheers to one hundred more spins around the sun for Eugene and to ancient Egypt!
