Extra Extraordinaire Facts

Those Old Vampire Cats

In the ghostly mountains of Transylvania and a few other parts of Eastern Europe, according to folklore, if a cat jumped over a dead body, the corpse was doomed to be a vampire forever.

(Source: All about Cats – Tom Kuncl)

A Little Help From My Friends

The biggest of the Golden Poison Frogs grow to a whopping 5-6 centimeters. A part of the dart frog family, they are famous for being one of the most poisonous animals in the world. A single frog carries 1,900 micrograms of poison and harbors enough poison to perhaps kill 10 men.

The Chocó Indians kept friendly enough relations with the Golden Poison Frogs to use the poison in their hunting darts, and most likely in warfare. The Indians would rub the tip of a dart (not an arrow) along the back of a live frog. The poison would dry and remain active on the dart for up to a year. The helpful frog backs would provide enough poison for two or three darts. Once the poison was exchanged, these good friends would be released back in the wild unharmed and full of pride in helping the Chocó Indians succeed in eating and killing well.

“I get high with a little help from my friends…” I can hear them all singing in beautiful rhythm, even between the horns, screams and frustration of rush hour traffic.

God Quality

If you want to thank someone for the high quality of craft beer that you enjoy drinking today, thank a monk!

Monastaries started brewing beer in the 5th century. At it’s height, over 600 monasteries in Europe were brewing their own beer. The passion that monks had for beer making was legendary. The art of precision, skillfully used in carefully constructed recipes made monastery beer outstanding. Inspiration to make the best beer possible came from the fact that they were working for God. A sub-par beer would be an offense against God and surely a terrible sin. Not something any decent God-fearing monk wanted any part of.

With water quality being terrible and monks enjoying their own beer creations, many monks drank up to 4 liters of beer a day. This brings up other things outside of beer that present day humans can also thank monks for. Without women being an option, many 3-4 liters a day monk drinkers of strong ale became experts in forms of sports and activities that many of us enjoy today, including, but not limited to, wrestling, boxing, kick boxing, martial arts, pissing for distance and volume, gorge eating, rolling down hills, (which led to alpine sports) target practice, neighborhood streaking, scateboarding, syncrhromised nose picking, duck and pheasant calling, curling, square dancing and all German FKK endorsed nude sports.

So the next time you want to thank your bartender, local craft beer brewery, beer corporation, favorite athlete, or just about anybody, don’t do it! Instead, raise your mug and use your God-given lung capacity to shout out loudly, cheers to a monk. A true world difference maker!

Beauty For All

In ancient Egypt, men also wore makeup. These beautiful Egyptian men of long ago liberally applied a makeup called kohl (a paste made from several ore minerals) around their eyes with a special tool that was usually created from ivory, wood and bone. Besides making the men better looking, (which a lot of men today could use help with) it was believed the makeup gave them the protection of the Gods Horus and Ra and also had special healing powers to top it off. You can’t beat that! Plus, both men and women of ancient Egypt wore a copious amount of perfume made from cinnamon, green olive oil and myrhh, a type of gum resin extracted from a (t)horny tree.

Cinnamon is a natural aphrodisiac, even stringent medicine men and women of today accept that as a fact. Cinnamon promotes blood flow, especially in the abdominal area. Once cinnamon starts to work its magic, it improves the blood supply to the male and female genitals. BOOM BANG BOOM, which could facilitate sexual arousal.

Eat cinnamon or smell it and take it in. That’s what clever ancient Egyptians did to great carnal success.

It is safe to say, love was in the air every time you turned around in ancient Egypt.

“Love is in the air every where I look around.” John Paul Young. Who by the way got transported back to ancient Egypt by a time machine in the late 80’s, only to come back to modern times in 2015 to appear on Dancing with the Stars. 

Not satisfied with only being known for “Love is in the air every where I look around.” John Paul Young released a batch of new songs after transporting himself back from ancient Egypt. Youngs next best song was called Orgy on the Nile, unfortunately, it sold very few copies upon its released in 2015. I have to admit that I spin my copy around almost daily. John Paul Young’s voice singing getting vial on the Nile always seems to awaken me.

By the way, Horus is one of the most treasured ancient Egyptian deities. You will see the symbol of the Falcon headed God on airplanes, hotels, restaraunts, tobacco shops and flying carpets… throughout Egypt and beyond. I once knew a fella who had a humongous tattoo of Horus on his back. He had never heard of Horus or even Egypt. I saw him on Facebook a few years back with a red Make America Great Again hat. He had a job with the animal control department in a middle sized Midwest city. I expect he was divorced and living the dream showing divorcees his American Falcon.

The God Ra was also portrayed as a Falcon and shared similarities with the God of the sky Horus. He was believed to rule in all parts of the created world, including not only the earth, but the sky and the underworld.

Of course, anybody who controls the underworld is someone you don’t want to run afoul of. Like today, I am sure there were boneheads in ancient Egypt who thought makeup were for sissies and said they weren’t going to wear it, but as soon as Ra came calling with their underworld destination papers, even the biggest macho man was plastering an abundant amount of makeup on.

Legend says fellatio comes from ancient Egypt and Cleopatra used a vibrator powered by bees. More for another day.

The other night over drinks a friend of mine Eugene Epstein told me that Rush Limbaugh had gotten access to the time machine before succumbing to cancer and he went back to ancient Egypt to start a new life of one hundred years or so. I knew we would still be feeling the effects today, if there was even the slightest chance Limbaugh had access to the time machine. I am happy to report we don’t have to worry about some evil person getting access to the time machine, and we can thank Stephen Hawking, who created the time machine and entrusted me with the control over who and who couldn’t use it.

I have more good news. Hawking is completely cured physically and living in the future in the year 2125. He is now trying to fix the problems resulting from climate change in a world of water.

I strongly assured my friend Eugene that Rush Limbaugh did not have access to the time machine, and that he was sent straight to the underworld. It makes me mad how people can fall for the craziest bullshit…

Eugene seemed to be glad to hear the real news about Limbaugh and said he would tell the ones who had told him about Limbaugh’s afterlife the truth. He would inform them that they were wrong and he would set them straight as to where to try to contact Limbaugh at and also let them know that that Limbaugh had already grown a tail.

Burn burn burn… Rush, I guess Hell is like climate change on steroids. Denial is not a river in Egypt…

Eugene is a good friend of mine who does most of the dirty work for me, which is pretty good for 126 pound guy that sometimes gets pushed around from the wind and considers ingesting psychedelic mushrooms as a good solid meal.

Tomorrow Eugene will be 32 and I am trying to find the perfect gift for him. I am thinking that maybe some of the ancient Egyptian makeup and cinnamon perfume that John Paul Young brought back to me will be the winning gift. Eugene has sort of been desperate of late to find a life partner.

I am quite sure Eugene will be game for the ancient Egyptian makeup and perfume, with or without ingesting psychedelic mushrooms.

Once when Eugene was overloaded, he asked me if I wanted to peal his face and put it up on my wall as a portrait. He’s is always saying stuff like that. If you haven’t noticed yet, Eugene is as good of a friend as you can find.

Cheers to one hundred more spins around the sun for Eugene and to ancient Egypt!